It’s not so bad, really.

There’s plenty of fish, and if you hit a deer with your car you get to keep it. Plus, on a freelancer’s pay I can live like a tribal warlord. Got two Humvees, an armed driver and more coyote pelts than I can even wear. Life is sweet!

But here’s my point: I’ve worked on Audi. I’ve worked on McDonald’s and Coca-Cola and FedEx. I’ve written long form content for Conde Nast, produced national events for Wells Fargo and created brand campaigns for the creators of the human gene therapy. Moreover, I can do all of the above at a rate that would infuriate a Los Angeles warlord, or even a Kansas City chief.

We need to talk. Have your driver call mine.